He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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