you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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