Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
