I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
