He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
