I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
