i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
