I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Randomize
