I got chris browned last night
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
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