I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
