my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
how does that bad decision feel?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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