I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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