Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
