It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
