bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
