Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
