his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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