Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
