Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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