Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
