the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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