the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
