mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You're like the curious george of whores
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I could fuck to npr.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize