do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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