Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You ever have a fart follow you around?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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