She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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