just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
