I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You made out with two different species that night
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
