Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
