never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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