You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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