We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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