his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
