The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
