I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
