Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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