A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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