Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
