Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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