Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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