My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
A bitchslap is in order.
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