you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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