i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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