Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
