i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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