You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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