i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
