All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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