I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
