1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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