Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
