fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
