So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
