the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
