I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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