He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
