I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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