I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
