hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
