I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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