U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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