Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
