There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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