Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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