Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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