nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he was CRYING into my vagina
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
