There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
