I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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