take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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