i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
