the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
