There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
