wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
