I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
