you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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