thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
