I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
