Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
