I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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