i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
