i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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