eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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