piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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