I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
