Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
